Suar ke Bachchon!

PARENTAL ADVISORY

The following story contains explicit language. Though the expressions and words are commonly used across day to day to affairs, may contain some elements that may not be suitable to all.

No Animals were hurt during the making of the story.

The usual weekday morning was gaining shape. People rushing to work, vehicles honking and eventually all settling in a traffic queue.  A line of city buses, some oddly angled office vehicles, slithering two wheelers, squeezing cabs and pack full of cars of solitary driven vehicles. Just the normative sedimentation of life.

As the honking started to reach its peak and the frustrations soared, a small hatchback car, gave a cameo performance. It suddenly swiveled, cut the line, hopped in front of the bus, nudged slowly in the gap, and moved ahead gaining a few meters in the queue. As a smile appeared across the face of the hatchback driver, a voice screamed at him, “Aey, kombadi sarkha kashala udaylas?” G@#%^” (Hello! Why you are jumping across like a chicken!”). The hatchback gained ground and moved ahead; the words remained with him.  The reference to the farm animal, recurred back when he stood at the signal and noticed ‘KFC’. His lunch for today was sorted. 

The imagination of delicious lunch, suddenly halted by a screeching voice across the footpath, “Tu kutte ka bacha! Tera baap kutta! Tera khandan kutta!” (You are a dog! Your father is a dog! Your whole family is a dog!) It was those of teenage boys on the footpath, hurling their hands, in quarrel. People in the morning rush, just walked past them without a bother! No one cared to intervene except for a stray animal who barked, “Bow! Bow!

Hearing the same, two girls heading to school expressed their love, “Aww!! How cute!

 

The two girls continued to walk down the footpath discussing their fondness of the stray animal which suddenly came to a halt when they heard a loud voice of a woman, “Baadraami ko ro na! (Don’t behave like a monkey!) Stand straight!” 

 

The woman’s voice almost put the cacophony of the morning to shame, as her little son stood embarrassed at being shouted. The woman took his arm turned around and facing the Hanuman temple, instructed, “Now, Pray!

As the boy obeyed the orders, the priest went about his duties religiously. Stepping out of the garbagriha, he distributed the offerings with love and affectionately addressed a young boy wearing T-Shirt and a pair of jeans in his twenties, “Yeh jo aap gai jasie chabaa rahe hai, usko pehle phek ke aaye!” (The thing that you are chewing like a cow, throw that first!). As the words stirred a giggle inside the temple premises, the boy slightly embarrassed, quickly ran out, dropped the gum in the bin, and even quicker, took the prasad and left!

Gradually the morning bustle started to settle, the traffic eased, the sun appeared more scorching and the streets gained a laid-back appearance. The young boy now found himself also laid back in an upscale restaurant. His friend, sitting opposite said,“ I like this Lacoste T-shirt of yours. Really suits you.” while sieving through the menu that read  ‘100% vegan’.

Only to be disturbed by another friend, who exclaimed, “Leave the menu goat head, just look at this post!” The three friends peered into the screen and finally the boy spoke, “Damn! She looks like a buffalo is wearing a bikini and floating in water!”.

As the friends giggled, a woman sitting on the table beside smirked. Then drawing her phone, from the leather wallet, dialed Ms. Mehta. As she started to discuss the details of the Friday party, a voice from another table said, “Oh Parrot! Why you are poking your nose in her talk?

Before there was a counter, the woman was heard shouting over the phone, “Are you planning to call that new smart ass? She is such a pussy, I tell you!?

Everyone around raised their ears to alert. A couple of teenage girls sitting opposite, staring at the woman, whispered slowly, “She looks like such a B-I-T-C-H”, just by moving their lips. The woman continued talking, tapping her visiting card that read ‘Mrs. Bedi, Veterinary Consultant.

At a distance close to the window, unaware of the center of attention - ‘Ms.Bedi’ - a man enquired,

Tell me Fernandez, tum sadhedo maafik kam karna kab bandh karoge, aur thoda buddhi lagao!” (Fernandez, when will you stop working like a donkey and use your brains!)

It is not my brains; I am not a fox like you all are! Always scheming to get boss’s attentionc, Fernandez stated. 

 

Arre, is ki yeh goatee dekh, yeh kahaan ka fox, yeh to boss ka bakhra hai”. (Look at hos goatee, he is not a fox, he is Boss’s scapegoat), replied another.

C’mon let us concentrate on our lunch. Or else apna chota haathi (our Little elephant) will finish it all while we argue”stated another friend. His name tag dangling from his neck read, Gajanan Sikdar’.

Across the restaurant window, on the street, a man dodged, weaved in between halted cars and made quick jump unto the footpath. Clothed in loose ‘darzi’ made pants with half sleeve buttoned shirt, dragged his chappals towards a woman who constantly peeped across on all sides of the junction. He tapped her from behind and said in a caring tone, “Goobe! Nanu right heildaru junction inda, left alla” (Owl, I said right from the junction, not left!). The reference reminded the woman of her foolishness as he tapped her own forehead.

The man then held her hand and said, “Nanna, Lakshmi devi!” (My Goddess Lakshmi) and walked ahead, while a few random, distant voices filled up the neighborhood,

Billi ki tarah meow meow kyun kar rahi hai. Zor se bol” (Why speak like a cat! Speak louder).

Meri bahu toh ekdum gai hai hai. Gai. Ekdum susheel” (My daughter in law is just like a cow, well behaved)

Look at her, with those heels. Tak -bak -tak bak. Absolute black beauty!”

Within the colliding voices, a group marched with banners ‘Raise your voice against the death of pregnant elephant’, only to be punctured by another, “I will beat you to death, you filthy rat!

As the couple reached home, a scream greeted them, “Look at him. His teacher is complaining that he talks like a crow all day and disturbs the entire class.” 

The young boy at being shouted left the scene with a book in his hand settled in front of the television where the rest of the family gathered. Two middle aged women, a middle-aged man and an older woman all gathered around the television with a sense of anticipation. On the television a man walking over boulders and striking his belt over it, several times, moving back and forth, in silence, suddenly screamed, “Suar ke bachchon!” (Piglets!) Everyone in the room broke into a cheer. 

The boy opened his textbook and read 'The Three Little Piglets', by Joseph Jacobs

GENERAL ADVISORY

The above story does not have a conclusion. Simply because the action is a recurring phenomenon. Stemming from one principle germ – the arrogance of humans looking down upon all other creatures around. As an abuse, a joke, an expression and more importantly a metaphor for each of our shortcomings.

 Everyone is urged to be cautious. Contains an ingrained behavior inappropriate for generations ahead.   

PULPlive © 2018 by Ground Research

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